Mentors and Advisers – People in Your Life – Values in Marriage

Has this turned out to be the subject of more than one night’s conversation? Quite possibly. The question of values in marriage is not one that is easily settled. Nor is it necessarily settled, once and for all, at any point of your marriage. The values you find important today might well change. No point in clinging stubbornly to outmoded values. The important thing is to agree upon values, present and future, and to work together toward achieving them.

If you missed Values in Marriage or the Values in Marriage Checklist click on the links…

This isn’t going to be easy for all of you. Today’s needs can be very demanding. What you want right now has so much more reality for you – and so much more influence over you – than what you might want ten years from now. The natural response is to get while the getting is good. The ability to look ahead, plan ahead and stick with your plans is, as a matter of fact, one way of separating the men from the boys, as it were. In other words, a significant measure of your maturity is your ability to postpone immediate satisfactions in order to protect future goals. Only when you have this type of maturity are you really ready for marriage. There is no age at which you automatically acquire it. Some people have it at 18. Others still lack it at 35. Without it, a marriage is makeshift. With it, headway in reaching goals is possible.

As you plot the major steps in the course of your marriage, you may be called upon to make decisions you do not feel qualified to make. It’s one thing to agree about the values which are important to you; it’s quite another to make concrete choices when you are confronted with them. We live in a complicated age in which most of us need the advice of experts from time to time.

As early as possible in your marriage, select your own personal panel of experts. You may not need to call on them at once – maybe not at all. But when you need advice, help, or just someone to talk to, there should be “advisers” to whom you can turn – people both of you know and trust.

There should be, for every family, someone with whom you can discuss personal problems. Perhaps the person who will come first to your mind in time of stress is the pastor of your church. Get to know him and let him know you, so that if you have need of his counsel, you will not be strangers.

Have a family doctor. If you wait until you face a medical emergency, you may not know whom to call, and you may settle for someone who would not have been your ideal choice. A doctor has more to give you than his ability to make a diagnosis and write a prescription. He can give you comfort, reassurance, a sense of psychological support. Pick a doctor in whom you have confidence; see him at least once a year for a physical checkup; let him get to know all members of the family while they are well. It will help him help you if you become ill.

It is unlikely that you will go through your entire married life without needing a lawyer. There should be someone you can check with if you have legal questions, large or small. There will be leases and contracts; you will be drawing up a will; or you may have more entangled problems. Pick your lawyer before you need him.

Most families could benefit by occasional expert advice on money matters, too. As you survey your values in marriage, are you perplexed about the financial realities of your goals? You will need the judgment of an expert in financial matters just as you need the counsel of a physician about health problems.

Many families talk over major financial problems like purchasing a home or a business, with an officer at the bank where they have checking or savings accounts. If they are concerned with the handling of sizable sums of money, they may select a personal investment counselor. If they are more concerned with budgeting and smaller credit needs, they may seek the counsel of one of the experts in family budgeting employed by consumer finance companies throughout the country, or some other person who works closely with family financial problems.

Your panel of experts on matters personal, medical, legal and financial can guide you when you face decisions which must be made in getting what both of you want out of marriage.