Problem Solving For Money and Marriage

Marriage, like all other relationships, is a constant process of change and growth. One way to grow is through meeting problems and learning how to handle them… the goes with finances. Problem-solving is something that goes on all through life, whether you are conscious of it or not. Youngsters learn something about problem-solving, in a rather formal fashion, through their classroom work in school. They learn a great deal more about it informally when they play with friends, take part in sports, work out their relationships with other members of the family.

But many of us do not consciously and fully accept the responsibilities for solving problems until we are married and have our own family. Then problems must be faced and dealt with or the entire family situation will be in trouble. Some people have an ostrich technique for handling problems. They believe that if they don’t look, the problem will go away. It rarely disappears, but it often changes – for the worse. Others firmly believe they can work things out if they rely on their hunches, and there are a lucky few who have acted on the bright flash of inspiration and all has come out for the best. But it’s not a method on which everybody can count. Most mature persons find they must solve problems the hard way – step-by-step. They must analyze and try out and if one solution does not work, be willing to try out another.

Some problems can be solved only with expert help, but in our day-to-day activities most of us have to be do-it-yourself problem-solvers. Do you have the feeling you don’t know what to do nor where to turn when you face a problem? There are several steps which most experts agree constitute the most effective way of solving problems.

1. The first step is to recognize the problem. Suppose, for example, that you are having trouble on your job. You may go along for weeks without realizing the problem exists. Perhaps you just feel out-of-sorts, and blow up at the family when you get home from work. Or maybe you develop a series of illnesses which are not serious but which give you a comfortable excuse to stay home from work. You finally realize that it is your job that is bothering you, and that you had better do something about it. You are on your way to dealing with the problem. Recognizing your problem, in this situation, means not only admitting that something is wrong with your job, but identifying what that “something” is.

2. The next step is fact-finding. What do you dislike about your work? What would you really like to do? Do you have the ability to do it? Do you have the training? Is that sort of work available in your town? Are you sure enough that it’s what you want to be willing to move? Get together all the information about the problem that you can assemble. That might mean talking to other people, looking critically at yourself, searching in books. When you have done all your fact-finding, take another look at your problem. You might then see it in a new light. For example, it is possible that the job you have doesn’t look so bad after all, once you have found out that nowhere in your town is there a job which makes better use of your training. But if the problem is still there, what should you do?

3. The final step is to find a solution. Make a list of all the possible solutions to your problem: ask to be transferred to another job; go to work for another company; take night courses until you are qualified for a different type of work, etc. Pretend you were acting on each of the possible solutions, and figure out how it would affect you and your problem. Out of all the possible solutions, one will come closest to correcting the problem and will carry with it the least danger of creating new problems. That is your best solution. You arc ready to take action to solve your problem.

We do not mean to suggest that applying a one-two-three formula makes problem-solving simple. But too many of us go around in circles when we face a problem. We can be much more confident of getting results if we approach the problem in an orderly fashion.

It is not always possible for everyone to solve their own problems. Sometimes an individual is so involved in the problem that he cannot see it objectively. Sometimes, in a marriage, the two partners see a problem and its possible solutions from different points of view and need an impartial third person to counsel with them. In such situations, it is not a sign of weakness but rather a sign of strength to seek outside help. It is just as foolish to insist stubbornly on handling your own problems, even if you are getting nowhere with them, as it is to insist on “doctoring” yourself while your health deteriorates. Many communities have social agencies which offer family counseling; trained social workers who are experienced in understanding family problems will guide married couples in finding solutions. Most churches have people on staff, available to discuss family problems with the members of their congregations and to offer advice.